


With Arms Outstretched.

by cueviolet



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 19 year old Louis, 21 year old Harry, Artist Louis, Bottom Louis, Depressed Louis, Eleanor Calder & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Harry is a Little Shit, Harry smokes, Harry takes care of Louis, Harry to the Rescue, Insecure Louis, Jealous Harry, Louis Tomlinson Wears Harry Styles's Clothes, Louis in Denial, Louis in Glasses, Louis in Panties, Louis in Sweaters, M/M, Mean Harry, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Niall Horan & Liam Payne Friendship, Niall Horan & Zayn Malik Friendship, No Smut, No Spoilers, Non-Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Possessive Behavior, Protective Harry, Sad Louis, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sassy Louis Tomlinson, Sweetheart Harry, Top Harry, You Have Been Warned, Young Louis, absolute sweetheart and dork to louis, but it things happen when they are separated from the rest of the group, confusing but it will come together, eleanor is really sweet in this, eleanor takes louis to alaska, for now maybe later on, harry and eleanor are siblings, harry and niall and liam adn zayn are all close friends, harry gets annoyed that louis is with eleanor 24/7, harry gives louis compliments, harry is sweet louis just doesn't feel harrys love till later, he only feels safe around eleanor, he's only nice to louis, i will be shedding real jesus tears as i write this, im not sure if this will be triggering, it could be so please if you are triggers easily do not read., it turns out good, it will be ok, just gotta wait a bit, just thinking of this was depressing but its gonna get better, k - Freeform, k so little lou is damaged and just need a little love, later on louis feels safe around harry, louis breaks down a lot, louis cries a lot, louis develops a crush on harry, louis gay he just loves eleanor more than anyone else they are just major major bffs, louis just hates everyone except for eleanor, louis learns to love, louis like hates harry in the beginning, louis was diagnosed with depression and has panic attacks if he doesn't feel safe, maybe tears along the way, mean to like everyone else, nice harry, they end up alone, things will be good, this is just gonna move very very slowy, this will be an emotional ride, to the others he's a dick, with her older brother harry and his friends, ziam friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-11 11:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cueviolet/pseuds/cueviolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is sad.<br/>Sadder than he's ever been now that he's being shipped off to Alaska for a expedition he didn't care for.<br/>Louis finds the idea to be total shit, Eleanor says it will be fun and they will be happy.<br/>Louis knows he won't be happy on this trip cause all he is made up of is pure sadness and woe.<br/>That is until Louis smiles a real smile, only because of him with his stupid curly hair and his stupid jokes. </p><p>or louis goes to alaska and finds happiness in everything he hated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> any thing in italic is louis' thoughts.

Louis Tomlinson. Nineteen and insecure.

Louis Tomlinson lived with his best friend, if he did't he would actually be dead.  _or locked away in a mental hospital, they are_ the _thing same aren't they?_

Louis Tomlinson suffers from Depression. _the occasional panic attacks too_ _._

Louis grew up in Doncaster with his mum who later had more children, he was slowly forgotten about around then. Louis moved out when he turned seventeen, he decided he would live with Eleanor until he got his own place. He got a place just a little after his eighteenth birthday, just not on his own. With Eleanor but he was fine with that, he preferred that actually. Louis and Eleanor had been friends for as long as Louis has had blue eyes, he can't honestly remember when they were't.

Eleanor is Louis' rock, Louis doesn't care to admit that she is the only thing keeping him together. She reminds him to look at the colors in the sunset and to smell the flowers. Eleanor is Louis' favorite person because when he was ready to end every thing she didn't let him. Eleanor took good care of Louis, very very good care of Louis. It was like Louis had a mum again, she was just majorly upgraded. Eleanor made sure her and Louis went on walks every morning and night, making sure they got fresh air everyday. Eleanor would teach Louis to cook anything he was curious about. Eleanor made a chore chart for them and as much as Louis hated it, he loved how Eleanor let Louis have just three days and took on four for herself. Eleanor was just really great and more than anything Louis could ask for. _plus eleanor is practically drowning in wealth after her already wealthy dad married basically royalty anne cox._  

t _o be accurate when eleanor basically saved my life. she locked both of us in a bathroom and held me as i cried_ _until i couldn't anymore, then i watched as she poured the medicine i attempted to overdose on down the sink, she hugged me and told me "I was wonderful" and other things i never though i could be described as, they still made me feel better. eleanor is a beautiful person i don't deserve, i' don't think i'd never let her go unless she told me she absolutely had to leave._ _she helps me see life in things i would think are dead, like myself for example._

Eleanor Calder was perfect with her outstanding grades and healthy lifestyle. She was a happy person in general who has made it her life goal for Louis to find happiness too. When Eleanor told Louis he needed to find a passion. Louis told her he had already. Eleanor asked what that passion was. Louis told her it was called admiring her asshat of step-brother from afar. Eleanor told him that wasn't exactly healthy or blue ribbon worthy. Louis told her to kindly fuck off.

Louis and Eleanor lived in Doncaster in a nice [apartment](https://40.media.tumblr.com/bd9c59bf4e5347e36cb7467528659d27/tumblr_naicxhg0Dy1tibizho1_500.png). Louis [room](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/41/cc/53/41cc533efef11928620d3a4f2098c627.jpg) was close to the kitchen, and Eleanor's [room](http://imgfave-chat-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/1373313242879735.jpg) was behind the [living room](http://showmarphotography.com/cozy-living-room-with-fireplace-and-tv.html/cozy-living-room-with-fireplace-and-tv-luxury-with-photos-of-cozy-living-exterior-at-design) space. Louis prided El with her house decorating skills. He really loved how nice she made his room look too. Eleanor was the only one who knew he was gay and slightly liked girlish things. Louis didn't like dresses but he liked the panties and the cute matching knee high socks that usually came with. Hell, El got them matching ones for Christmas, cause why not. He really did appreciate the room El surprised him with, he absolutely adored it. It made him feel less like shit and kinda pretty.

That was Louis' life right now. It was good and he was grateful for everything he had gotten. He just isn't happy with himself and him and Eleanor have discussed that and decided that is a problem. So Eleanor is kinda teaching Louis to be happy. Louis is enjoying it for the most part. But then Eleanor brought up that they are traveling to Alaska and he doesn't really want to do that.

"Louis its gonna be really really really fun, we are gonna go on a grand expedition." [Eleanor](http://static.tumblr.com/8fcc9848c87970300cb01b1887fa9863/3verdvh/g07no4e18/tumblr_static_3al904nrhbeogw444g8wwkg8w.jpg) strolled into Louis room, finding [Louis](https://i.embed.ly/1/display/resize?key=1e6a1a1efdb011df84894040444cdc60&url=http%3A%2F%2Fd34rt3nrucum7c.cloudfront.net%2F4music%2Fimage_uploads%2F50c1b6268b17f.jpg) under the covers. After their short chat of El begging Louis decided a nap sounded awesome. Eleanor gently pulled the blankets off of Louis. Then she sat down next to him started ruffling his hair.

"Lou, Louis. You gotta wake up. Lunch time, Lou." She said softly rubbing her delicate hand up and down Louis back. There was some mumbling from Louis before he pulled the blankets back up to his shoulder, Eleanor moved them back down to his hips. "Louis come on, you gotta eat lunch."

"I'll have it in bed then." He whispered, eyes still closed.

"You have to help me cook it, we cook together, thats what we do."

"Ahhh, damn woman. Let's just have cereal." Louis said peeking his eyes open, slowly moving to get out of bed.

"Nope we are gonna have delicious home made wraps with beautiful strawberries and wonderful wonderful glasses of water!" Eleanor smiled pulling Louis out of then bed. Louis leisurely gave in.

"Fine, but only cause that sound pretty good." Eleanor smiled again and dragged Louis into their [kitchen](http://st.houzz.com/simgs/8b1107e50f7e4065_8-6826/traditional-kitchen.jpg). They made the [wraps](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ceav21IQ1qet4ggo1_1280.jpg) like Eleanor suggested then sat down at the island and ate and talked.

"You psyched about Alaska?" Eleanor asked before taking a sip of her bottled water.  _yes, we drink evian cause we are tumblr as fuck._

"No, cause i'm not going." Louis took a bite of one the strawberries on his dark blue plate.

"Harry's already bought the tickets."

"Why would he do such a stupid thing when we aren't going. What an idiot." Louis shrugged.

"Louis, I promise it will be fun. We get to see those gorgeous lights and we get to go rafting and backpacking. It's gonna be great."

"It will be freezing. I am happy here lets just stay here. Home is where the hoe is, right." Louis pointed at Eleanor.

"No, no it's not Louis that is terrible. We are going to Alaska and we are going to have lots of fun while we are there." Louis rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows while Eleanor stood her ground.

"How many days have you booked us in hell?" Louis closed his eyes awaiting her answer.

"We will be there for ninety three days." Louis opened his eyes quickly then looked at Eleanor with furrowed brows.

"Nah, no, thats like forever."

"It's June twenty first to September twenty first. You will be fine. I'm going to be right by your side."  _fuck it's june seventeenth._

"I thought you were thinking like a week or two, three at most. Not all of summer El."

"Louis it's gonna be cool, we've never done anything like this. It's gonna be brand new and loads of fun."

"No! No, no, no I'm gonna lose you in the woods or you'll be kidnapped by those spirits El, it's not safe."

"We are gonna be safe Lou, and everything will be fine. Harry does this every single summer. He's a pro."

"Or you know he could have been forming a cult up there for the last so and so years and now he's gonna have them kill us when we get up there."

"He hasn't Louis. It's all gonna be fine. We are gonna be fine. You will be ok. I will be ok. Alright?" Eleanor moved to give Louis a hug, Louis did the same.

"Alright." Louis whispered.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> op op op op op. I drank like 50 cans of diet coke while writing this. This will be a emotional ride but I'm sure it will be worth it. This is the summer cammpp fic!!!! I looked it up and you can go to alaska for summer camp and i thought that was kinda cool so yes that is what is happening. I know i said it wasn't done but I just thought I should give everyone a little love before i go to school tomorrow. soooo I don't think i'll update like ever again. NO I'm kidding i will it just won't be exactly consistent I'm sorry I'm just a natural lazy ass. yea but ill shoot for writing this weekend then ill see if i can update like Wednesday like around there. i hope you like a little bit of this louis gonna be a major sassy in this but we gotta remember the cookie is extremely soft so must be gentle IM SORRY THERE WAS NO HARRY we got like two mentions of his name here but he should be in the next chapter :)))))) and louis is gonna be a salty little pringle for a bit so get ready. i'm hoping this story works out and everyone enjoys it, THANK YOU I LOVE ALL OF YOU GORGEOUS PEOPLE! hope everyone has a good day in hell tomorrow. xxxxx


	2. Baby steps.

"Ew, look at that fucker, [El](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6d/74/99/6d7499ab16d8bd2e2efee7f6dc910d84.jpg)." [Louis](http://onedirection.myblog.it/media/00/00/3474430342.jpg) pointed at [Harry](http://cdn01.cdn.justjaredjr.com/wp-content/uploads/pictures/2015/02/niall-brisbane/one-direction-brisbane-private-plane-11.jpg) who was grabbing their bags from the cab, they were currently watching Harry from the window of the Starbucks as they sipped their teas.

"It's not nice to point, Louis. Cut it out." She swatted at his finger. He dropped his arm to his side, gave El the middle the finger quickly then dropped it again.

Harry told Eleanor that he would pick them up and they would all go to the airport together, 'to make things less complicated' Harry had said. Eleanor agreed while Louis rolled his eyes. A few minutes ago they arrived at the Airport and Harry volunteered to get all the bags (there was only three all together, Harry said they had everything they needed already in Alaska) and suggested they go ahead go in and do whatever while he paid the driver and such.

Harry gave Louis a wink as he and Eleanor were walking away, Louis looked at Eleanor with disgust and made gagging sounds when Eleanor added in "He wants you." In a singsong tone. They walked into the coffee shop and started ordering. Eleanor decided she was getting the [Oprah Chai Tea](http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/tea/iced-teavana-oprah-chai-tea-latte?foodZone=9999), she helped Louis choose after suggestion after suggestion and Louis turning them all down, he finally settled for the [Emperor Cloud](http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/tea/teavana-emperors-cloud-and-mist-green-tea?foodZone=9999) and Mist Green Tea. They were next up when Eleanor thought of what Harry would want.

"Oh! Lou, what about Harry what do you think he would want?"

"Like I know, he's part of your tribe."

"I'm not sure if he would want a coffee."

"Does Harry like caramel?" Louis eyes were scanning the menu, his lip switching to a small sinister smile.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure he does. It's like his favorite, right?" Eleanor said whispering to herself.

"El, I wanna order." Louis usually begs Eleanor to order, he hates talking to people and just the thought of having to interact with them.

"Yes! That's awesome! Go ahead, Lou!" Eleanor was always encouraging Louis to do thing like this, wanting to feel comfortable with the idea of having responsibilities. Baby steps.

Louis took a deep breath before he stepped slightly in front of Eleanor, his eyes meeting the cashiers.  _fuck, god kill me right now._

"Hi, I would like to get a [Espresso Con Panna](http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/espresso/espresso-con-panna?foodZone=9999#size=121987&whip=125) with two other drinks." He smiled a wicked smile. Eleanor looked at Louis with shock, eyes almost falling out of their sockets.

When Louis turned around with the drinks on one of those grey cardboard trays he was met with Eleanor giving him a small, barley noticeable glare.

"El, he won't mind." Louis sighed as they walked to a booth in the back. 

"His favorite part is sleeping on the planes, even you know that."

"He will be fine. It is a long flight there will be time for him to sleep and be hyper. Its all good."

Louis sat down in the booth across from Eleanor. They sipped at their drinks for a minute then Harry was walking towards them.

"Coffee?" Harry questioned as he slid in next to Louis, getting close enough that their thighs were pressed next to each other.

"Starbucks is like famous for coffee, so I mean, i don't know, but I would guess." Louis sarcastically replied, taking a sip of his tea.  _tastes fucking terrible, thanks starbucks._

"Chill out. Is this mine?" Harry patted Louis thigh gently then briefly pointed at the only cup still in the holder.

Eleanor nodded as Louis commented. "Nope, that is actually Zayn's." Louis turned his head to face Harry.

Harry pulled the drink out of the holder and quietly whispered "Thank you." To Eleanor.

"Harry, Louis ordered it for you. Thank him."

"I did, I expect you to drink every last drop. I payed with my own coins and it was expensive as hell." Louis looked Harry straight in the eyes, raising [his](http://33.media.tumblr.com/0e8a056e1072d2bee58ef0bd1a1a8742/tumblr_inline_ml4je5olxc1qz4rgp.gif) eyebrows in a playful way.

"I would, I really honestly would.It's just, I'm on a break from coffee right now." Harry lied, he just didn't want to drink the espresso. He liked water or tea more. 

"That really is a shame cause I-"

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick." Louis snapped his head toward Eleanor. "Do you wanna come Louis?" Eleanor said scooting out from the booth. They've snuck Louis into bathrooms before, it is necessary.

Louis looked at Eleanor then back to Harry, with a lost expression. "Harry move." He demanded quickly hopping onto Harrys lap then squirming off and out of the booth, he didn't catch the soft moan that left Harrys lips. Eleanor did. 

"We will be back in a heartbeat." She said with a smirk then lead Louis to girls bathroom.

Harry sat at the booth alone and holding the scalding espresso, it starting to lightly burn his hands.

**~~HARRY POV~~  
**

Oh, god.

I'm letting my feelings spiral.

Thats not the best thing for me right now.

And Louis is El's best friend.

Would it be okay for me to get involved there?

I know he's depressed. 

I don't want him to be depressed.

I could make him happy if he'd let me.

I'll make him happy. I'll make him so so so happy.

I'll make him the happiest he's ever been.

There. There's the goal I was looking for on this trip.

I'll make Louis smile and laugh, maybe I can even get him to wet himself.

I'll find out. I have two months and I'm confident.

**~~END OF HARRYS THOUGHTS~~ **

~~~~"You know if you married Harry, we would become in-laws." Eleanor was washing her hands while Louis was leaning against the sink with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah, thats not gonna happen." He scoffed.

"What, why not? You two make a great couple."

"We don't even know if Harrys gay and he's annoying and he looks like he is part frog. Again, yeah no."

"I'm pretty sure he is bi, Louis." She pouted while wiping her hands on the paper towels. "He's only like that when he's around you."

"He's only frog like when he's around me, that's wonderful. Cause I'm constantly getting turned on by Kermit the frog."

"He's not frog like."

"When we go out there focus on one : that huge head and those bug eyes he got from Anne. Two : he acts like a frog, you are lying if you don't see it. And three : watch him eat. There you go. Harry 'the frog' Styles."

"Why do you know that?"

"I have my [resources](http://tschaikovsky.tumblr.com/post/103335730877/why-do-people-call-harry-a-frog)." Eleanor opened the door with a paper towel and they made their way back to the booth.

When they got back they noticed all the drinks were empty and Harry wasn't there.

"Where'd frog face fuck off to?" Louis climbed back to his spot and sat down.

They waited a minute and then Louis felt the cushion sink a little more and a thigh next to his again.

"Did you dump our drinks or some shit?" Eleanor asked sliding her phone into her pocket. Harry looked up at her.

"Oh, no! I drank my coffee but it like burnt my throat, so I like chugged Louis' tea, and then that was warm and didn't help so then I drank yours and it was very nice and cooling." 

Louis broke out in a loud laughter. "Oh my god, thats great! I'm gonna enter you in one of those contests and you'll win me lots of money." Louis laughed again.

Harry just shook his head with a shy smile. "El, what time is it?" 

"Four thirty, A.M."

"Lets get going then." Harry slid out of the booth and held his hand out for Louis. Louis took it with a mumbled "Thank you, frog."

They then went to board the plane, Louis hand still gently laced with Harry's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yea hi! I just got writing this. I should be asleep but it's alright I wanted to get this done. Its a little bit short but expect some chapter to be short if I write them on week days. They will be lengthy when I write on the weekends though:)))))))  
> I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS AND THE KUDOS SOOSOOSO NICE you are all amazayn and we reached a thousand hits on "Christmas & Chill" THANK YOU that so nice even though the stories are like terrible but THANK YOU! I love responding to comments its a lot of fun so please feel free to leave some. this note is short casue I'm very tired and school was a bitch but i got this done so I'm proud about that. IVE GOTTA DECLARE A FEW THINGS  
> 1 louis got his 'resources' from that grand post, it is not mine it belongs to that blog. just wanted to make that clear.  
> 2 louis and harry have always been a little bit flirty so they will be a little bit flirty here. louis just doesn't look into as much as harry. THEY BOTH WANNA GET IT ON, TO LET YOU KNOW  
> it might get on a little later I've been studying the smut fics i've read and I'm trying get some knowledge from those. I'm trying for you! Alright goodnight. Hope this was okay. FEEDBACK PLEASE I LOVE READING YOUR COMMENTS THEY ARE LIKE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS I LOVE THEM. AGAIN THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL goodnight you beautiful people xxxxx


	3. Deep sleep.

"You know that [shirt](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/36/14/53/361453d3aaea574c5a940bce5346595f.jpg) is stupid. I didn't even like the one you had on before, but this is worse. You look like you belong in a cell or some shit." [Louis](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B-nD0iAUYAAPSBq.jpg) told Harry as they sat down.

They were finally on the plane after waiting for what Louis vowed was “For-fucking-ever.”. They even got their own [cabin](http://www.travelsupermarket.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/7th-pic.jpg), cause when you have the money why not? Louis was in the window seat with Eleanor on his side while Harry was seated straight across from him.

"Well I-I do, I mean the colors are nice." He gave a sheepish smile."but I do like it so... I will wear it." Harry reached for his glass of water, before Louis "accidentally" tipped it over.

"Oops." Harry gave Louis an actual glare then turned to the flight attendant.

"Hi. Yeah, can I get a towel and a another water."

"Of course, Mr. Styles. I defiantly can clean that up for you." The flight attendant [smiled](http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/webmd/consumer_assets/site_images/articles/health_tools/dry_mouth_causes/getty_rf_photo_of_smiling_woman_with_lipstick_on_teeth.jpg) with red lipstick staining her once white teeth. _god, i wonder if you are a mess like myself._

"I'll be fine. Just need that towel." Harry said impatiently as the cold water started to drip off the table and into his lap. Wetting his jeans. The attendant quickly walked away and muttered "Right away, sir." Louis listened as Harry noiselessly swore under his breath.

Louis wanted to talk to Eleanor now. He turned to face her, but just found her lost in her book with headphones in her ears. Her [hair](https://evetziesrepertoirefbs.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/eleanor-calder-without-makeup-2.png) was up now and her eyes were slowly starting to lock. Louis gave her a small smile, it went ignored as he turned to look out the window. They were flying but have only been in the air for about an hour.  _had a while until we landed._

Louis looked out the window, watching the sun disappear and reappear, like it was playing a game with the clouds.  _perhaps hide and seek?_

Then something freezing hit his exposed collarbone. _the fuck is this?_  Louis looked down to find a ice cube in his lap, he quickly brushed it off then lifted his head to meet Harrys gaze.

Harry was looking at him, green orbs dilated and he was breathing pretty damn quick. Louis furrowed his brow and looked at Harry with more concern than he was willing to admit to.

Harrys legs were bouncing up and down and his hands were kinda shaking. Louis watched as Harry rubbed at his nose three times in last thirty seconds.

“Chill out, Harold. Why’re you acting crazy?” Louis dragged out the z.

“Coffee. It-itlike does stuff.” Harry rushed out, talking a lot faster than he normally did.

“Yeah, it’s nice like that.” Louis sighed then turned back to his window and payed no more attention to Harry or Eleanor. He fell into a deep sleep.

To Harry and the half awake Eleanor, he fell into a deep sleep.

In truth he wasn't asleep at all. He was wide awake even. Just gazing into the blackness his closed eyelids gave. Louis hasn't done this plenty of times, he makes sure its not so often so Eleanor doesn't have a chance to figure out his trick. She will in the future, but not right now she is on the very edge of sleeping, she won't notice.

 _Louis. Why me? Why was I made a human. A pointless human who is imposed to be happy. A human who feels they can't offer any good, just bad. I can get of that bad, I almost did one time too, I was just, just interrupted.. I won't be interrupted_ _next time. But why is Louis Tomlinson a living breathing thing, instead of a never breathing rock or a dead bottle of water? Why am I who I am, why do I have these corrupt thought and a diagnosed disorder. Why was I cursed with sadness?_

 _Why is there a voice behind me constantly telling me I'm fucking everything up. Am I fucking everything up? Of course I am. Why did I even agree to come? This was my worst decision yet. The planes gonna crash because my_ _obese ass is on it. I should be in bed waking up with a hoarse voice from my now routinely crying before sleep. I am just a pile of a anxiety and failure. I'm worth nothing and thats just how it is. A crummy overweight idiot. Jesus, did I need to eat that much today? That was way too much, I can fast tomorrow, I'll just i'm nauseous form the plane ride, El usually is and she won't think anything of it. That works._

“Lou.” A rounded piece of ice striked Louis nose. “Louis.” Louis shifted to the window more, pretending to still be asleep. He felt a pointy [boot](http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/b26ee39e-426d-457c-bead-a00ca0c85397/0e5c69c4-5977-447e-91be-1a306bb0ff87_560_420.jpg) run along his calf. Louis scrunched his nose at the feeling. “Lou-Lou.”

“For fucks sake, Harry.” Louis groaned. “‘M trying to sleep.” Harry beamed.

“You're up!”

“No, no. ‘M not.” Louis sighed closing his eyes again.

“Yeah, hey, wait, stay with me. Louis you gave me that drink so you have to entertain me.” Harry whined, he reached over the table to grab Louis' balled fists.

"Harry read a book, you're one of those hipster types. Do that."

"I-I didn't bring any. I thought we could all hangout." Harry blushed. Louis eyes opened, a tiny grin formed on his face.

"Have you got any bored games, then?"

"No, I don't. I have solitaire on my phone." Harrys thumbs were continuously brushing over Louis' knuckles.

"Solitaire is the worst game." Louis sighed.

"It's not."

"All you do is move the cards around, and no matter what you do, you never win."

"Louis, have you ever won?" Harry smirked. Louis scoffed. Of course not, do you think someone as fucked up like me could win a simple card game.

"Of course, the objective is to crash the app and your phone."

"Come over here, I will show you how to win."

"No, that sounds boring and It'd be painful to move."

"Please, let me teach you." Harry was whining again and his thumbs were full on massaging Louis' knuckles.

"If I sit next to you. I want a foot rub when we land."

"Deal. I'll add in a back rub right now. For free." Louis rolled his eyes, then gently tapped the unconscious Eleanor's shoulder until she woke. She blinked sleepily for a second before Louis whispered that he just switching spots. She pulled her legs under her and let Louis slide past her. He stood at the end for a second before Harry realized why.

Louis only sat by the window.

Harry jumped from his spot and ushered Louis to the seat. They both sat down and Harry swiftly lifted up the arm rest, sliding his arm behind Louis too.

"Would you like this back rub clothed or unclothed?”

“Such a shame that Eleanor is here, isn’t it?”

*

Louis woke up to the softest and faintest touches on his bare shoulder, he found himself cuddled into Harrys side. He was practically sitting on Harrys lap with one of Harrys hands holding him to Harrys chest and the other on his shoulder. His coco-colored t-shirt was still on. It was just fairly loose on him and Harry did the honors of slipping it off his shoulder. Louis felt Harrys chin resting on his head, nesting in the soft chestnut hair. Louis listened to Harrys steady heartbeat for awhile then he heard a camera flash.  _Eleanor._

Louis gently turned his head attempting to not disrupt Harry who had finally calmed down after teaching Louis the key to solitaire and telling him story after story. Louis spotted Eleanor holding her [phone](http://41.media.tumblr.com/ad24a12a010bd597b3b8baad0a6ad19f/tumblr_nnf5fm26fW1swhupgo1_500.jpg) so it was directly pointing towards himself and Harry. 

"What are doing." Louis mouthed to Eleanor with a glare.

"Nothing. " She mouthed back then the camera sound went off again.

Louis rolled his eyes and held up his middle finger right as Eleanor took another picture.

*

This time Louis woke up to Harry again, but Harry was rubbing all over Louis, trying to wake Louis up.

"Hazza, stop." Louis whined.

"The planes landed, come on." Harry whispered against the shell of Louis' ear. 

Louis was letting a lot slide. He let Harry play footsie with him, he had let Harry hold his hand, now he was letting Harry neck him too. Why stop now?  _Stop cause you gotta get off the plane, duh._

"Oh, right." Louis sighed untangling himself from Harry. 

It took a little bit of time to actually get off the plane, so they spent it teasing Eleanor about her messy bun that was now more of a just fail bun after the long flight. 

"I took my love and I took it down, climbed a mountain and turned around." Louis sang nudging Harry, getting Harry to sing along with him.

"And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills, till the landslide brought me down!" They sang together, harmonies matching perfectly.  _Harry was perfect,_ _not me. never me._

Eleanor just glared then pulled a small mirror out of her carryon and fixed the bun.

Finally they were being released from the plane and walking down those steel steps where they found Liam, Niall, and Zayn standing by a car waiting for them.

Louis mumbled to Eleanor about how he was not looking forward to this as Harry ran ahead to greet his friends. Louis and Eleanor quietly trailed behind, a smile on Eleanors lips while Louis just rubbed at the faint scars on his wrist with his head down. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhhh hello! how are all these prettyyy people? hope you all are well and healthy! I wanna tell you guys what happened to me on Friday. I walked into my school and just fell down, like i guess my harry boot (YES I HAVE SOME CAUSE HAZZA) was slippery cause of the snow and like it slid on the tile so i just fell with it. NO JOKE I HAD BEEN SINGING LONG WAY DOWN ALL MORNIGN SO. i must have jinxed myself or some witch craft. it was alright cause i laughed it off and my friends laughed with me not, not at me so it was ok. I'm just upsett because my favorite chapstick (the peppermint one) exploded when i fell so i just cry about it. :(((((( I can buy more they come in those three packs so its all good. i went to a baby shower today and got a candle it smells fantastic and i finished this chapter while it was lit.IT SMELLS SOOO GOOD I can't light candle so i had my step-brother do it cause he can i wish i could but i just can not. and if i do get a flame going i will drop the lighter cause I'm like afraid i will set the world on fire.  
> TO THE STORY we are learning a bit about louis and reading his thoughts here. do we all agree that louis is pretending for harry. eleanor sees through it but harry can't yet. he's aware he just isn't sure of what is the real louis and what is the pretend. right? k i hope so. UMMM we get to know niall and liamm and zen in the next chappie they are all gonna be rude asshats so warning harry kinda becomes a dicky in the next so don't lose the love alright..ermmr do we get that louis will be a little shit cause he's pretending yah know doooo we get that? elounor in the next chapter too. louis gay don't freak out. i think thats it if there is any questions let me know cause i will totally answer unless you gonna be like "why your story so bad?" cause i get it i know I'm not shakespear or dolce_piccante alright i know this is just for fun and in my spare time i like to write and i happen to ship larry so i just make terrible stories ok just accept it please.  
> THANK YOU ALL I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE LOVE YOU GIVE ME it honestly amazing and just makes me feell great i hope you all feel great! COMMENTERS you are all wonderful i has become my favorite thing to reply to people like it just makes me enjoy this a lot more getting feedback is sweeeeeet I LOVE IT. right soooo i hope you all enjoy thisss cause I'm having fun and THANK YOY SO SOS OSOSOSOSOS MUCH everything is sooooo amazing and I'm on the bachelor casue i just keep saying amazing sorry everything is lovely and you all are wonderful wonderful people! I enjoy writing for you guy so much you don't know what it means.
> 
> oh i got a kik. i got it cause that fake harry but i just thought if you guys wanna contact me or anything you will be able to if you would like to. my user is llluna906 that is me in the picture so yea and the name would be Luna Louise. my real real name is violet but i use fake names a lot cause they are super fun so ya but hi i'm violet alright. :))))))) you can ask stuff there or if you would like to just chat that is cool I'm totally cool with that so if you wanna contact me there feel free too but don't feel pressured at all. Yea that is about it i hope this story is working out for everyone i really hope I'm doing good! but thank you all again i love you and there will be more to come I'm sorry this took a few days to post but it might be like that more often and this one was kinda short so I'm sorry. K I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU xxxxx


	4. Pleasant water.

"Harry!" Louis whispered silently as he watched Liam shout the name with a smile.

Harry gathered the three in a hug while Eleanor and Louis stood awkwardly on the invisible sidelines.

"Hey." Louis heard the soft whisper as he counted the scuff marks on his toms. "Lou, it's gonna be fun. We are gonna have lots of fun.” Her delicate hand pulled him into her side.

Eleanor and Louis got lost in their quiet chatter as Harry greeted his friends.

"Boys, I brought my sister and Louis this trip."

"You brought smiley face?" [Zayn](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/11/23F32FFE00000578-0-image-a-40_1418292908309.jpg) asked with annoyance as he played with what was left of the almost finished cigarette.

"I did.” Harry nodded not giving two shits about what his friends thought, glaring at Zayn for bringing up the disrespectful nickname.

“My life is full of tensions and worries. And I see the same in Louis’. Like I don’t have big anxieties. I wish I did. I’d be much more interesting." [Niall](http://images.j-14.com/uploads/posts/image/45470/niall-horan-love-life.jpg) joked.

"Niall say again and I'll be putting your penis in a blender." Harry snapped.  _please do Hazza, please for me?_

[Liam](http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/ln/20151122/231115_2015_american_music_awards_press_room/2015-american-music-awards-press_5039985.jpg) gave a uncomfortable smile before clapping his hands together and shaking the keys. "Shall we go then."

Harry nodded, called to Louis and Eleanor then followed Liam to the [2016](http://2016suv.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2016-Chevrolet-Suburban-front.jpg) Chevrolet suburban.

They all got in the vehicle. Louis and Eleanor seated in the very back, in the next row was Niall and Harry, then up front Liam in the drivers seat with Zayn in the passengers.

The first few minutes of the ride was a bit awkward, Louis staring out his window as Zayn absently played with the radio. It was quiet until Niall broke out in laughter, the loud cackle bouncing throughout the car making Louis’ headache worsen.

“I’ve just thought of another hilarious joke.” Niall announced proudly. They all waited for someone to respond and finally Liam did the honors.

“Tell it then, mate.”

“Right so. When life is going wrong,” Niall turns to look back at Louis who had his head down "when stress engulfs you, when tears flow down your eyes, just give me a call: because I sell tissue papers!” Niall burst out laughing again with Zayn and Liam, while Harry, Eleanor, and Louis were silent. Louis' head throbbed as he tried to calm his shaking hands.

_look at me. louis. i'm such a joke nialls taken it upon himself to go out of his way and make fun of me. and the fun of this trips only just begun._

The laughter continued for ten seconds more then Niall was emitting a grunt of pain. Louis didn’t see what happened but when he looked up he figured it out.

Niall was clutching his stomach as Harry clenched and unclenched his fist. He turned to see find Eleanor glaring at the back of Nialls head and found the car was silent again aside from Nialls slight wheezing.

Louis smiled staring at those pretty chocolate-colored ringlets. He kinda wanted to pull on Harrys hair to get his attention, maybe have Eleanor move to Harrys spot and Harry to Eleanors, maybe he wanted to sit on Harrys lap cause he was better and comfier than this weird leather seat, maybe he wanted to a lot with Harry, but he can't _._

He can’t because Harry doesn’t like him like that and Louis doesn’t like Harry like that. They flirt but its always been friendly, ever since they first met when Louis was in the fifth grade and when Harry was in the seventh. Its always been friendly, always, and it always will be.

Louis pushes the thought of having a very quick quickie away and closes his eyes praying for sleep to overtake him.

It does with promising dreams of the green eyed man sitting in front of him.

***

“Lou? LouLou. Louis, Lou-bear.”

Louis woke to the deep voice whispering his many names.

“Blue eyes, up up.”

Blue eyes? That was new. Louis’ never been called blue eyes, he’s been called lots and lots of things but blue eyes was never one of them.

“My blue Lou. It’s time to get up.”

“Let me smack em with me shoe, he’ll be up in seconds.” Louis listened to Nialls threat as his eyes slowly opened, he peeked at the green eyed man in front of him. Louis could have sworn he heard Harrys neck snap with how fast he turned to glare at Niall. _was he an owl in disguise?_

Then a few car doors slammed and Louis was able to barley see Niall, Liam, and Zayn all make their way into the gas station, Zayn tripping Niall in the process.

Louis leisurely acknowledged the fact that he was in someones lap, not the small thin thighs of his best friend, but the muscular and yet lean ones that belonged to her brother. He was being held, cradled like a newborn even. It was new but Louis was enjoying it so far, his head pressed against Harrys exposed chest and his legs all curled up, he was quite comfortable.

Then he noticed, something that he had been promised countlessly would never happen. Eleanor is gone?

Louis head shot up just about knocking Harry in the jaw, “Where, where is El?” Louis asked quickly after mumbling a sorry.

“She’s just gone to the bathroom, she didn’t want to wake you, so she told me to watch you. She will be back in just a minute. The boys wanted to know if you wanted something from the station.” Harry replied calmly ushering Louis back into his previous position.

_oh, okay, a minute, a minute is fine, I can do a minute. no, no, no, I can't. she left me, she's gone, I, I'm on my own. oh god, oh god._

Louis tried to hide the tears he couldn’t hold back, but Harry still ended up feeling the warm dabs of wetness on his chest. Harry looked down to find Louis crying, silently.

Louis mastered the art years before as it was necessary when he still lived with Jay.

“Oh Lou,” Harry cooed pressing him to his chest even more. “She’s gonna be right back okay, everything is okay, we are okay. I’ve got you, you’re safe with me, alright? Just deep breathes, Lou. Deep breathes. In and out. Look at that she’s just come out of the gas station. It’s alright, okay? I’ve got you.” Harry continued whispering comforting things into Louis ear even when Eleanor got back into the car.

Louis regretfully pulled out of Harry’s comforting hold and threw himself to Eleanor. She wrapped her arms around him as he did the same. The three of them all squished in the back seats.

“Lou, hey. It’s me. Okay. I’m back, I’m alright, you are alright too, okay. We’re good everything's good, okay. We’re okay.” Louis nodded as tears kept falling from his glossy eyes. “Oh Lou, I’m so sorry, I thought you would still be asleep. I didn’t want to wake you. I’m sorry.” Eleanors hand was running up and down Louis’ back now, in a attempt to soothe the panicked boy.

“’S, ’s ok.” Louis mumbled into her shoulder.

“No, no it’s not I’m sorry.” She whispered, some of her own tears escaping as she held her best friend.

“’S okay.” Louis pulled from the embrace and gave her a weak smile as he squeezed her hand. “’S ok.”

****   
After two hours they finally reached the [cabin](http://www.standout-cabin-designs.com/images/small-log-cabins3.JPG).

“It’s a little small, but we can make it work. We will just be here for two nights then the real fun starts on Wednesday!” Liam parked slightly on the grass as he always does. Niall chucked his empty bag of chips at the unconscious Zayn while Eleanor unbuckled her seat belt and tapped her brother on the shoulder, all of this happened while Louis quietly watched.

They all made their way out of the car, Niall instantly falling onto the leaves and dirt, “Me legs have turned to jelly.” He cackled. Harry considered going and kicking him harshly, but Louis is here and he’s trying trying to be on his best behavior.

Louis was the last one to get out of the car even getting special assistance from Harry. Louis walked to the cabin with Eleanor while the boys got all the bags from the car.

Right as Eleanor turned the key to the wooden door and opened it the smallest gasp left Louis’ mouth. The place was quite nice. The couches looked surprisingly comfortable and there were a few outlets and light switches, Louis was relived in finding out that there was electricity at the place.

“El, it actually is kinda okay here.” Louis flashed her a smile.

“It is. The sleeping will be weird cause it’s such a small place but I’m sure things will be figured out.”

The place was small that was very true, from what Louis has seen he’s guessing there is only four rooms, including kitchen and bath. But, like El, said something will be worked out and Liam said they would only be here for a few days so that should be fine for them right?

****

Wrong. Louis has never been so wrong in his life. There was no way this could have worked, who in the hell even planned it? Louis found himself having to shower with Eleanor due to the very small space, but that really did not make sense and Louis didn’t see why he and Eleanor had to be in the shower together but Niall said "sacrifices had to be made" and Louis would rather shower with Eleanor than Liam.

[Louis](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/AxiISGnCQAADeXr.jpg) doesn't mind showering with Eleanor, he’s done it tons of times. Especially during his recovery she would either be sitting on the toilet reading a book/playing on her phone while Louis was in or she would be in the actual shower with him like she is now.

The first time was weird, really weird.

Eleanor brought the idea up as a joke but Louis took it seriously and said it could be a great idea. As terrible as it was, it will probably be one of Louis favorite memories with Eleanor. She completely overdid herself and Louis loved it.

They discussed taking a shower together but decided a bath would for some reason that Louis can’t remember better. Eleanor went to target and got face masks, bath bombs, body scrub, bubbles, loofahs, matching towels, lotions, and even bath toys. Her attempt was to make Louis as comfortable as possible and they were both in need of a major makeover night anyways.

Louis had loads of fun even if they were in very very awkward positions while sitting across from each other butt naked, while Eleanor had made a grand attempt at filling the tub with bubbles her breasts were still visible to Louis and he just made it his goal to keep eye contact with her the entire time. In the end Louis enjoyed it as he left the bathroom with his best friend at his side and them both smelling incredible, later on after they were dressed again they ordered Chinese and watched Netflix for the rest of the night.

Yes, a pretty good night, one Louis will defiantly bring up in his suicide note to Eleanor and thank her for the beautiful night.

But here Louis was, almost nine in the afternoon and both his and Eleanor’s eyes were the size of the moon. They watched from behind the shower curtain as a small mouse ran across the tile and they both screamed for Harry.

“Look see this is what I was talking about, this trip bad idea we are going to be eaten by [mice](http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--K-4MCByH--/18k212ururd8pjpg.jpg)!” Louis panicked as another mouse bolted across the floor.

“Oh my god, the door is locked!” Eleanor cried as she watched the knob forcefully shake.

On the other side of the door [Harry](http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2014818/rs_634x1024-140918095830-634.Harry-Styles-JR-91814.jpg) was almost in tears. What if something has happened to his sister and Louis? What if one of them is hurt. His thoughts were on overload as he kept trying to get the knob unlocked.

“Louis, I don’t want to run out there!”

“You are faster than me you have to!”

“We will settle this like adults and we can do, we will do-” Eleanor racked her brain for any idea and said the first one that popped into her head “-Rock, Paper, Scissors!” She cheered as Louis rolled his eyes.

“Oh god, fine!” Louis sighed, lifting his hand up ready to attempt winning but who was he kidding Louis was terrible at the game, a three year old could beat him.

“Alright first one to lose has to do it.” Louis nodded and then they started.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors.” They said in unison, Eleanor threw down scissors and Louis came up with [fire](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B18941zCEAA5tTt.jpg)?

“Yes! Hahaha! I win!” Louis smiled.

“Fire doesn’t count and we are going out of three.”

“No! Hey! My lava burnt your knives now go open that door.”

“Let’s do it together.” Eleanor pleaded.

“Right, you go first I’m right behind you.” Louis gave an encouraging nod then opened the shower curtain for her. “Right behind you, El.” Eleanor grabbed the brown [towel](http://65e226e929a5af0b2a5c-b2b05f995fc8916f7d7814d5d83ccb0d.r53.cf3.rackcdn.com/products/1000/logo-towel-brown-833.jpg) off of the counter and wrapped it around her.

She darted to the door and got it open another mouse running across the floor as she spun the knob being meet with Harry who looked flushed and worried.

“Are you alright?” He asked quickly looking at Eleanor then Harry turned to see Louis hiding behind the shower curtain.

“Harry help!” Louis yelped not wanting to be in the cold shower anymore.

Harry ran across the tile not even noticing the 3 mice around his feet and pulled the curtain back, finding Louis in complete and total nude.

His tan skin looked delicious with how wet it was. The caramel skin drizzling right before Harry’s eyes and all he wanted to do was pick Louis up and lick every inch of his gorgeous body. Louis curves were sinful and Harry couldn’t get enough. Louis’ fringe was damp across his forehead and his cheeks were tinted pink.

Harry wanted Louis just like this in his bed looking absolutely wrecked from Harrys cock, but no one needs to know that right now.

It was all there for a moment then it was gone, Louis yanked back the shower curtain and Harry finally noticed the sting on his cheek.

Louis had slapped him and Eleanor was trying not to laugh. Harry glanced at her with a glare before picking up the towel and handing it to Louis. Harry waited until Louis was decent enough then lifted him from the shower and carried him out of the bathroom and into the only bedroom in the cabin.

Harry set Louis down on the bed while Eleanor trailed closely behind them then she turned two steps and ventured into the kitchen.

“I’m just gonna get a glass of water.” She said before Louis could call for her.

“Louis, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” Harry awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck while Louis squirmed to get comfortable on the bed, towel riding up slightly letting more of Louis’ tan thighs be exposed.

Louis just raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay.” Louis sighed falling back on the bed and the towel unfolded completely. Harry quickly adverted his gaze and looked at the wall instead of the beautiful naked boy before him who was putting on quite the show. “You’ve got a rodent problem.”

“I do.” Harry sucked in a breath, forcing himself to not look down and acknowledge his other problem that was now growing quickly in his jeans. He decided now would be best to leave the room as Louis was naked in front of him and Harry didn’t think he could control the urge to throw himself on top of Louis and smother the boy in loving and passionate kisses. He needed to leave or that would happen and he could never forgive himself if Louis responded negatively, it would be the end for anything between them, or the start. But Harry wasn’t willing to take that risk, yet. He left the room.

***

It was later in the night when Harry almost fell off the couch. A small and light touch jolting him from sleep to consciousness. The touch belonged to a cold and fragile hand, the hand belonged to Louis. It was like ice meeting fire as Louis dragged his fingertips along Harrys shoulder and bicep, grazing gently over his collarbone too. Harry looked at Louis when the hand trailed under a swallow and started venturing down.

“Louis?” Harry croaked out. _like the frog he is_.

“Hi.” Louis whispered. Trying his hardest to not disturb the three boys sleeping around Harry.

They were all scattered about the living [room](http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/40/42/3e/eliassen-rorbuer.jpg) since Harry insisted Louis and Eleanor use the bedroom. Harry was on the couch, Niall on the floor next to it, Zayn in the arm chair looking extremely uncomfortable - his neck at an angle that would give him terrible pain in the morning, and Liam on the floor next to the fireplace.

“Is everything alright? Harry moved to sit up, then leaned back on his elbows.

“Sorry, I woke you. I just came out for a glass and then I noticed you,-“ Louis stopped himself before continuing “-that this couch is shit. So, it is a big bed in there and there is loads of room if you want to come in.” Louis gave a small smile and Harry noticed that there was no glass of water in Louis hands, just the hem of Harrys [purple](http://wheretoget.it/look/1910818) sweater that Louis was now wearing, only wearing. Harry took in Louis exposed thighs and thanked god.

“I’d love that.” Harry slowly stretched his arms above his head and stood from the couch, he was in pajama [pants](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31LuNHs12rL.jpg) without a shirt. A moment later Harry was beside Louis and gesturing for Louis to lead the way, with a crazed smile [Louis](https://40.media.tumblr.com/b8a8ec29bcb33c1c696f7fa953ca728b/tumblr_nmnrcoAcnF1trziygo5_250.png) lead Harry into the room and onto the [bed](http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/40/42/3e/eliassen-rorbuer.jpg).

Eleanor being her tiny self didn’t take up any room, she was peacefully asleep at the left edge next to the night stand, her book on top of it face down. Louis climbed into the bed next to Eleanor then Harry climbed in next to Louis. Harry pulled the covers up so himself and Louis were comfortable and still could breathe, then he tucked his arm underneath his pillow and looked at the small boy next to him.

This was nice but Harry knew he couldn’t just go to sleep like this, a need deep inside him wasn’t going to allow it.

“Lou?” Harry whispered.

Louis hummed in reply, his eyes slipping shut.

“Is this alright?” Harry hesitantly placed his arm around Louis’ small waist, he was testing the waters, not diving.

Louis nodded before scooting closer to Harry.

Harry could now feel the steady puffs of warm air against his chest and his hand was now wrapped completely around Louis. Harry bit back a grin as Louis draped a leg over Harrys’.

He dove and the water was more than pleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. baby had a baby. freddie. like i don't even knwo anymore. AIMH hit 2 million today. and i'm like wut. halp. There is so much going on and like i've been gone forever but I'm back! IM SO SO SORRYYY I HAD TO DO MY FINALS and they were like disgusting but guess who's getting through the year yes me. i don't know with all this drama though that shit is tough as fuck. I've been like very very busy with school and family and just all the annoying shit ya know but HOW IS EVERYONE?? tell me if your surviving the baby and pillow talk and like niall where are you? Ive had a lot go on during my month disappearance RAMBLE -- theres this gal, but like she's a close friend and from what i know straight, but when we are alone she's flirty and touchy and she frustrates me but she cute as fuck and i wanna cuddle her this valentines day but we not on that level right? i don't know i just have these feelings but I'm trying to ignore them cause what if she just is into dick but she is just a i can't even describe. god she's beautiful and smart and funny but she's just probs not lesbi so i dunno but I'm lowkey praying even though i know there is no chance. but we going swimming tomorrow and i got this sexy ass bathing suit that makes me boobs look amazing and my ass looks fabulous so I'm feeling myself END---- sorry like gotta express on here.   
> TO THE STORYLousis beign a fun brave bean he getting harris in bed oooooooo. So i was working on this for a bit and i couldn't end it and like bit ago i made a goal to finish the chap on valentines and its so 11;50 PM so I'm making this quick. but i did it! YES! k louis and eleanor just friends k no attraction even if they showering together its just bestie stuff k cool. Harry and Louis getttttting on the road to success. Liam and Zayn and Niall are gonna be dick quality so expect it. harry might be rude to el but its fine AND LARRY CUDDLE SCENE I wanna make it happen imma make it happen so next chapter buddies i was gonna do smut even if it was just Harry alone outside or some shit but i was like its too early, so   
> IF there are ANY QUESTION PLEASE ASK! ILL BE HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU I LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT! xxxxx


	5. It wasn't real.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has a nightmare y'all   
> his mind is fuckin whack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! you can hate me cause like I'm a terrible person rn. lets get into why i have not been active. REASON 1: my family sucks ass and they believe i was avoiding them because I'm studying smut and practicing writing too, and i aint got time for that shit. but they took away my electric devices so i had to interact with them all. REASON 2; so my brother like wasn't going to school and shit he was like supposedly doing drugs, so my parents had him moved out and into my older sisters house so like shit is craz. REASON 3: Y'all my inner hoe was hoeing, like about to hoe i guess. let me explain, my friends and i were joking about this guy at my school who is desperate as fuck for any sexual contact that is not his own, ya know. So like we were joking and one of my friends was trying to get weed from him to see if he had any, and she was taking too long. So i was like ill do it, and i got to talking to this guy and like every five seconds it was seriously "U GOT NUDES?" like no, i don't do nudes, so stop. anyways i told him i would give him a bj if he would get weed and he was like "yeah meet me during school" and then i was like fuck that no. My parents strict as fuck my brother wasn't going to school and they sent him away, i will not be on that same path way, no thanks. back to it, i called it off and i'm pretty sure he doesn't even have weed, and i wasn't even comfortable with giving him a blow job or a hand job, like i wanna do that with the person i love not some horny ass kid, god no. its just been a roller coaster y'all and I'm ashamed but I'm getting past that point in my life. thank you for listening. REASON 4: i went to florida yo yo and it was my first time on a plane, and it was cool as fuck. let me tell y'all i went for spring break cause my cousin had a baseball tournament and like my uncle was kind enough to be like "lets take violet too" and i was like "bless, thank you, love you!" that was all good the beach was cool as fuck cause our hotel was like literally right across from it, you could walk to the beach it was awesome. and then we went to these shops while we were there (AND BTW WE STAYED IN DEERFIELD BEACH WITHC WAS LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO BOCA RATON WHERE ARIANA GARANE IS FROM SO I WAS FEELING THE AG VIBES YA KNOW just christmas and chill all up in there) and this guy was like "you should go to this shop, i know the owner she's nice, a chesty girl like yourself" i was like oh my god, a fucking old ass man staring at my chest. it was like so uncomfortable, like i don't look at someones groin and be like "yah he's got small penis just like you." like i can't even describe, just it felt gross and i don't even know why women are women like because of that i want to grow a beard. i don't know guys i just am done with all humans like no.
> 
> those where my reasons, i feel terrible about not writing and i know in my last note, i was like I'm back and all that fun shit, but that was febuary and i feel terrible. so i really am gonna try because i love writing and getting feedback from y'all, i love it. I'm really gonna make big efforts now. and i want to add i bought escapade like in real book form online and I'm still waiting for it to come but I'm excited all the same, I've already read it of course but like the new names and all might be a fun little twist ya know, I'm still in the middle of "relief next to me" and its amazing so far, so i got that to hold me through until escapade comes to me in the physical form. bless you dolce!
> 
> BACK BABAY

 

When Louis woke up he did not expect to be making eye contact with a neck or it could be a thigh. lets be realistic, shall we. _it was a neck, thank you very much. Louis Tomlinson is no whore on the first night._

He should have expected to be met with something as he did get Harry in bed with him last night, and they did cuddle a lot. _k maybe even more than a lot_. Reason being that Louis could have sworn he felt the lightest kisses being placed all over his face, most especially on his nose, but he is not for sure.

The neck turned out to be a neck, with a head of curly hair attached to it. Harry and Louis were tangled in what Louis later realized was the honeymoon hug, a cuddling position Louis learned about thanks to Cosmopolitan. And the position was actually very very comfortable and Louis would have loved to stay there in that exact spot forever. He did get to stay there for quite a while, just listening to Harry's deep breaths and Eleanor occasionally turning a page in her book.

Eleanor tapped her fingers along Louis' spine, trying to see if he was up without waking Harry.

"Yeah?" Louis whispered.

"I'm gonna see if I can grab a shower, get some breakfast too. Do you want to come with?" Eleanor whispered back, pulling the covers gently off her and slipping out of the bed. Louis thought for a moment. Go with Eleanor, my savior, my favorite person, my best friend. or lay with Harry some more. Then he answered.

"I'll, I'll wait till Harry gets up."

"Alright, if you need me, I'm just out there."

"M'kay." And then Eleanor was opening the door handle and exiting the room, softly shutting the door behind her.

The peace and quiet seemed to be all too good, even for the five minutes that it lasted. Of course Louis' phone had to go off, right next to Harrys head, with his luck it just had to. And in seconds Harrys arm was off his waist and reaching for the phone, he glanced at it for a moment before realizing it didn't belong to him, then attempted to hand it to Louis who was "asleep". Harry could see right through Louis lie, but answered the phone for him anyways.

"Hello?" Harry asked.

"Louis?" A female voice broke through the speaker.

"He's asleep at the moment, can I take a message?" Harry made the slightest eye contact with Louis before Louis was quickly shutting his eyes again and pretending he was asleep.

"Oh, no. Just have him get back to me, alright?"

"Sure. I'll tell him that" Harry paused.

"His mother." Those words were pronounced angrier than Harry ever thought could be imaginable.

"Right, his mother called. And now that we are getting acquainted, I am -" The phone was snatched from his grasp before he could finish his sentence.

"Mum." Louis whispered into the phone before pulling it away from his ear, letting the loud yelling that was coming from his mother audible to him and Harry.

"LOUIS TOMLINSON I HAVE CALLED MANY TIMES ONLY FOR IT TO GO TO VOICEMAIL AND THE ONLY TIME THE PHONE IS ANSWERED IS WHEN IT IS BY ANOTHER BOY THAT IS NOT MY SON. I PRAY AND HOPE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF."

Louis rolled his eyes before bringing the phone back to his ear. "Mum, it's nice to hear from you. Just not when you are screaming in me ear." Harry patiently listened to Louis tell his mum off in the nicest way possible while he traced shapes along Louis' back. did we ever mention, i somehow ended up shirtless with Harry. no? not yet, well now we have. it all could be innocent and i could have just gotten a little hot, so I must have subconsciously taken it off and thrown it on the floor. there we are a perfectly innocent explanation.

After a good fifteen minutes Louis decided the phone call was lasting too long for his liking. "Mum, I've gotta go now."

"Oh, alright. Even though we've barely talked and you are already getting rid of me."

"Goodbye, mum."

"Goodbye, Louis." And then the line was silent and Louis could finally breath. He tossed the phone behind him on the bed before looking at Harry.

"She doesn't know how much of a headache she can cause." Louis spoke rubbing his temples in an attempt to soothe the slight throbbing.

"She's just being a mum." Harry whispered, pulling Louis towards him more. Bringing their bodies even closer than they were throughout the night.

"An evil one at that." Louis grumbles.

"Nah, just a mum." Harry smiles resting his head on Louis' as Louis tucks his into Harrys neck.

"You don't even know her. She's terrible, overdramatic, and rude."

"Sounds like you." of course it does. "I'm only kidding. You are wonderful Louis. I love your smile." you don't you are only saying that to say that.

"Thanks. I believe I've already told you but I do quite like your hair, even thought it has a way of getting up me nose and even in me mouth."

"It is obnoxious and pleasant all at once, isn't it?" Louis starts to laugh. "What? It is obnoxious at times.” Harry chuckled.

"I know that, its just don't you think pleasant is pushing it a bit too far?" Louis says in between giggles and Harry finds himself chuckling along with Louis.

"I guess it is. Maybe my hair is just obnoxious and greasy."

"Maybe, but it is quite curly, you forgot that." Louis says twirling one of the curls around and around on his finger.

"Hmmm, and your hair is just always straight is that true."

"It will get curly at the ends once it gets to be longer."

"I bet it looks very pretty." Louis ignore Harrys compliment, changing the subject instead.

"Is it time for us to get out of bed now?"

"Nope."

"Everyone else is though."

"So?" Harry asks moving his head to look at Louis. "Would you like to get out of bed Louis?"

"No." Louis whispers, tracing the swallow tattoos.

"Then we won't." Harry places a light kiss to Louis' forehead before moving his chin back on top of Louis' and holding him close. Harry then decided that he was only slightly whipped, not completely yet but he was well on his way.

***

This was different.

Louis was different.

He could feel a beautiful sensation running through him, but couldn't really point out what it was.

It just felt good. 

He felt himself alone but it was a good kind alone, he wasn't afraid he would do something stupid, he trusted himself.

Louis woke with a smile on his face, looking around and finding himself in a place he's never been but its okay, cause he feels good.

He can hear jazz music playing somewhere beyond him and as he lazily climbs out of whatever bed he was in and found himself swaying to the easy melody, softly and slowly.

A smile still gracing his lips Louis stumbles toward the door and pulls the it open gently, slipping out of the room o so gracefully.

He can still hear the music and he follows the saxaphone to what seems to be a living room.

Louis gets there and finds a man. A beautiful man.

Louis can only see the back of this man but he just looks lovely, back muscles bulging and everything.

Louis stands quietly, about to move forward to introduce himself to the man but before he does the man is turning around.

Louis knows that face, a kind face, one that just generates with happiness, but right now it doesn't.

The face is cold and hard, he looks upset, angry, and annoyed all at once and its really ruining Louis' glowy feel.

The face belongs to Harry, and Louis has never seen Harry look this way before. 

Harry's hair is shorter now and it looks good but it's not Harry, he's lost the cute hippie look that Louis adores. 

He's also got a glass in his hand, from the view Louis is guessing alcohol but he's not exactly sure.

Louis watches as Harry quickly walks to Louis, at a intimidating pace, his boots emitting a loud "thump" with each and every step.

Harry gets so close to Louis that Louis can smell the alcohol on Harrys breath.

The hand that isn't holding the drink grabs onto Louis' waist forcefully, making Louis yelp in surprise at the cold touch.

Its then that Louis realizes he's not wearing clothes, except for his panties and he notices his body is marked in bruises, ones that he can't recall.

Harrys grip is really tight to the point where its starting to hurt, Louis looks up into the cold eyes that just stare at him.

"Harry, please stop. That doesn't feel good."  Louis claws at Harrys hand as the grip just gets tighter and tighter.

Harry chuckles, "Oh, please tell me what does it feel like."

"It hurts, stop it." Louis whines, tears starting to form in his eyes.

Harry lets go, but Louis doesn't have time to inspect the damage because Harry is picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder in seconds.

Louis doesn't feel good anymore, his throat is tight and his chest feels like its closing in on itself, his heart hurts the most.

He's slammed onto the bed, Harrys body over his and he can feel it all unfold.

"Harry. Please don't." He whispers as Harrys hands run down his sides.

"Shhh, darling." Harry says against his thigh.

And then it all goes black.

*

Louis wakes up gasping, sweat drenched at the roots of his hair, and feels like he's going to cry.

He can feel Harrys arms around him, and that freaks him out more.

"Harry, stop!" He screams.

It gets cold, the arms are gone and Louis decides to open his eyes.

Louis has managed to scoot himself all the way to the end of the bed and Harry is still sitting at the headboard, his eyes wide and frantic  from watching Louis move about blindly.

Harrys hair is long again. "Louis?" Harry sounds like he's about to cry too.

It was dream, it was all a dream. It didn't happen.

"I'm sorry." Louis' voice breaks and he pathetically curls in on himself. "I'm so so sorry." He sobs.

Harry hesitantly pulls the blanket Louis is sitting on towards himself, he doesn't want to scare the boy again.

"Louis, it's okay." He whispers once he's pulled the blanket close enough without Louis noticing. "You're okay, you've done nothing wrong."

Louis just whimpers, "Louis, please, tell me whats wrong."

_its okay, this is harry, real harry, good harry, our harry._

Louis is hesitant at first then he slowly uncurls from his ball and and crawls towards Harry. 

Harry ushers him into his lap and helps Louis get comfortable.

"Okay?" Harry asks.

"Cold." Louis whispers, his head resting on Harrys chest and listening to the fast pace of Harrys heart beat.

Harry pulls the comforter over them and tucks a few pillows around them both.

"Good?"

Louis only hums in reply digging his head into Harry even more.

Harry waits a while until he feels that Louis is calmed down and able to speak.

"Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I, I, I had a bad dream."

"Are you comfortable with telling me your dream."

"I don't want to."

Harry sighs. "Okay, thats okay."

"I'm sorry." Louis whispers.

Its silent for awhile, they just sit there. Louis sniffling every now and then, and Harry listing random facts on anything, a way of distracting them both.

They continue on like this, just basking in the silence. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so this wasn't my favorite chapter I wrote it while i had to listen to my little sister scream but ye, AND HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO MY MOM YOUR MOM AND JAY AND ANNE ADN KAREN AND TRISHA ADN MAURA is that all of dem i think so anyways we got jay in this chapter cause happy mothers day and we got that shit ass dream but does it make sense that he was suppose feel like what he would feel without anxiety/depression ya know he felt good happy, but then his mind gotta fuck that up and make harry out to be the badguy see you get it. Any who I'm a little fucking pissed Harry cut his hair cause damn the long hair was my favorite thing in the entire world but I'm glad he gave it to charity that was nice of him but i loved his hair and the only reason ill stand for his new short ass hair will be for that movie and i don't really like war movies but we will see how this turns out.  
> YOU GUYS CHRISTMAS AND CHILL GOT OVER 2000 HITS WHAT THE FCUK  
> like thank you all thasts crazy even if someone just clicked on then clicked off it still means a lot  
> and I'm such a shit writer so like that means a ton to me thank you again.  
> ADN EVERY1 READING THIS PPIECE of shit thank you this story really fucking sucks because i feel good and then when i gotta write sad louis I'm just :(((((((((( so i mean you get it yeh this chapter sucksass so thank you for reading and shit even though i suck so :))))))  
> But y'all i went to a rihanna concert and it was lit like damn it was cool anyways tommorrow in the story they start going on their expedition soooooo get pumped bro i think imma play LA NOIR casue i was listening to jazz while writing this so it got me in the mood it also explains that bit in the dream, kkkkkkkkkk later   
> I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU xxxxx


	6. Let me hear it.

"Okay, you know what fuck that idea." Louis puffed out a frustrated breath and continued to squeeze his temples. 

"All I said, No I only suggested that-"

 "You still 'said' stuff. You can't unsay things El! No matter how much you want to you, you just can't."

"Ok well, what ideas have you got?"  Eleanor glared at Louis while he sat there with arms folded across his chest and glaring with annoyance at his own sneaker covered feet. "None, ok so we shall go with what I suggested," Eleanor said then left the living room, letting Louis sit alone only being accompanied by silence.

Louis could still hear Eleanor so he was not freaking out yet unless she decided to jump out the window or something dramatic like that. He sat there for about ten minutes before moving from his place where he was comfortably curled up on the couch in a nice blanket and just generally snuggled up to himself with a proper cuppa.

He slowly shuffled his feet to the bedroom where he found Eleanor packing their bags for the expedition, they would be starting it later tonight anyways.

"I've already told you I don't like dresses and you understand that right?" She turned from where she was placing Louis' socks inside the backpack. It was nice that she was placing his socks inside instead of shoving them in there like Louis would have done, whether he was upset or not. Eleanor looked at one pair of still yet to be rolled socks in her hand. 

"Louis of course, I get that, you know I do." She spoke softly looking Louis in the eye.

"So, you know how like going on the expedition and acting as if I was a girl feels like the same thing," Louis whispered.

"Right, so if you are going to look at it that way then I guess it is." Her eyes left his, now searching the hardwood floor as if they could help her understand what Louis was going at. 

"It isn't really, but El, I'm not a girl and I've got desire whatsoever to be one, even if I'm just pretending. I'm feminine but I'm still a boy." He honestly spoke and sighed from his spot where he was leaning against the door frame. 

"Okay, Lou. That's okay if you are alright with me not being with you at night, cause you won't be with me and I'm encouraging you to go and sleep with the boys but I just don't know what it will be like." 

Eleanor broke it to him earlier that on the expedition they would be with other people and a different guide before they would be with just Harry. They had to spend a night with a huge group before they got to venture out by themselves. It was all a safety precaution and very complicated but at the camp, they would learn a few basic safety and survival tricks for the great tundra. The camp had rules and the biggest one was that the genders had to split at night, women with women and men with men, it was only for sleeping. Both genders would be able to rejoice in happiness together in the morning. It was just a mandatory nighttime rule.

"I do have an idea," Louis said right as Eleanor went back to packing.

"Then let me hear it." 

"I'm only suggesting," he playfully mocked her before going back to his idea "that instead of me becoming a girl to go and sleep with you. I'm thinking you should become a boy." Eleanor turned around to face him and raised her eyebrows. "Now let me explain, so that we don't get split up at all. You would be able to hang with me and Harry, Niall, Liam, and Zayn. All of us together. It'd be good then we wouldn't spend an hour looking for each other! See it would just work out very nicely. And then in the morning, we can go the bathroom and you could be a girl again! Do you get what I'm saying, it would all work. If you would let it."

Louis rushed out the entire thing, panting once he was finished. And even a smile graced his lips while he struggled to catch his breath. Eleanor pinched the bridge of her nose. "Lou, I don't know, have you told Harry yet?" 

"It's not really Harrys business, El."

"Lou, he is conducting the expedition and he's my brother, also the reason we are going on this anyways." 

"Fine, whatever we can tell him. He'll probably like my plan too." Louis smiled proudly. 

He turned to leave before turning back to Eleanor and giving her a smirk then practically ran to find Harry.

*

"Harry!" Louis called opening the front door and going to stand on the small wooden porch. 

While they were still in bed Harry explained he and the boys, would be gone for a bit. They needed things for the expedition and Harry was the only one who could pick out the proper stuff. And he had said they would be gone for a while, but it was growing to be the three-hour mark and Louis couldn't help himself from worrying.

"Hazza!" Louis called out again as he made his way down the creaking steps. Louis could feel the small patches of grass and dirt clinging to the bottoms of his socks. He muttered in disgust before climbing back up the steps. Luckily there was a small [chair](http://hookedonhouses.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Jack-Hannas-log-cabin-front-porch.jpg) on the porch, it looked clean and cozy enough, so Louis went ahead and helped himself. He got all snuggled into the blanket there and sat for a long time. 

It was quite relaxing, just sitting. But there was still that little ache in Louis' heart, he missed Harry. He knows it's ridiculous, but after all the attention he has been getting from Harry, he just missed him. And the fact that Louis has a had the biggest crush on Harry for awhile now kinda helped his case.

"And we're a million miles away." Louis softly sang to himself while rocking gently on the rocking chair. He brought his arms out from under the blankets and turned them so his wrists faced him.  _such pretty things they were, small little bones covered by a white lined shelter._

Louis brushed his index finger over the faded scars, he attempted to count them. But too many were overlapping and it was just impossible. He felt himself get goosebumps but continued on. So many bad memories etched into him, haunting him with just their presence. Louis pulled his sweater sleeve down more, exposing even more white lines to the brisk air. His finger trailed down more, tracing over all of them. Giving them the acknowledgment, they deserved. 

"I'm so very sorry." He whispered, sweeping his index and middle finger up and down. 

_ you know you're not, you enjoyed it. _

"No."

_you loved it, you sick fuck._   


"No, no, no, no." Louis' voice broke as he fought with the words in his head.

_ you can't lie to me, Louis. i know you liked the burn it gave and the distraction it was. _

"That's all it was, a distraction." Tears were rushing down his cheeks as he felt his chest start to close up.

_don't you dare start that with me, you know it was more than that._

"Stop it, stop it. Stop it!" Louis whisper yelled, one hand clutching his chest while the other was brought up to his mouth. His thumb slipped in and his tongue immediately wrapped around it.

Louis listened for a moment, listened for the words.

He was relieved to only hear birds singing and an occasional whistle from the wind.

The words were gone, for now. Louis didn't know why, but they kept popping up and Louis hated it. Well, hate is a strong word, he loathed it.

He let out a sigh and started counting in his head, he found out that when scares like these happen he would calm down by counting, although he hated math. He would count sheep, it helped and he wasn't totally embarrassed about it. Eleanor encouraged it and he appreciated that.

Louis had gotten to three hundred and thirty-one sheep when the car pulled up. He was so close to sleep that his eyes were slipping shut as he struggled to keep them open. Louis had the blanket covering his mouth so no one saw his thumb sucking, he would have been horrified if anyone found out, even Eleanor didn't know.

Louis watched through half-lidded eyes as Zayn got out of the car first, he hopped out of the backseat while making quite the racket. Louis' eyes slipped shut.

He listened to more car doors open and close. Then the loud footsteps, snapping twigs and crushing leaves. Then the loud cackle coming from Niall. Then there was Harry.

"Niall, no one likes the sound of your voice, so if you just stopped talking altogether everyone would be better off." Even though Harry had whispered it Louis could hear it.

"Leave me alone, 'm having a good time." Niall laughed loudly again. Then there was a bang. Like something hitting a window, roughly.

"Harry, what the hell?" Liam cried, one hand holding the side of his head.

"Liam's not having a good time is he, Niall?" Harry snapped. Niall shook his head. "Make another loud sound, and the punishment is on Zayn." Harry threatened.

"Bitch, I swear to god, if you even cough," Zayn said to Niall. Niall just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. 

Harry walked away as Zayn lunged at Niall, he noticed Louis on the porch and was excited to see the boy.

"Lo-" He cut himself off once he noticed Louis was asleep. Harry smiled before brushing the back of his hand against Louis' soft yet o so very sharp cheekbone.

Harry gently pulled the ragged blanket off of Louis and something caught his eye, Louis had his thumb in his mouth. Harry didn't think Louis was a freak or whatever the hell people thought nowadays, he just thought Louis looked cute and smaller than he already was. 

A smile plastered Harrys face as he draped the blanket over the wooden railing, he then picked Louis up gently bridal style and sat himself down on the rocking chair, he situated Louis in his lap. Positioning Louis in a comfortable yet stable way. It was a tight fit with both of them plus the blanket but Harry liked it, he hoped Louis did too. 

"Harry!" Liam called out by the car. "You've gotta help us with all this!" He yelled gesturing towards the car filled to the brim with supplies.

Harry tensed and cringed at the volume Liam yelled at while watching Louis slightly stir, he then pulled out his phone and sent a text to Liam.

_Liam,_   


_Shut the fuck up. My angel is sleeping, I don't even want to hear you breathe. Or there will be plenty of hell to pay._

_Get the shit out on your own, you are all big boys that can handle themselves. I want all of it in the shed._

Harry leaned back and watched Liam pull out his phone, he saw it was a message from Harry, as he smiled at Harry before opening the actual message. When he did Harry watched with delight as Liam's facial expression changed from mild happy to slight fear. It was fun.

"Bastard," Harry whispered to himself with a small smile as he watched Liam scold Zayn and Niall for kinda beating each other up, he pulled Louis into him more. Letting the boy rest his head on Harrys collarbone and his knees curled up against Harrys stomach. It felt like a beautiful day for Harry. 

*

"Zayn!" Niall groaned when he felt the blistering pain sear across his groin. 

"Stop wasting time and help me, you idiots." Liam scolded the two as Zayn snickered with a smile as he watched Niall bend over emitting grunts of pain.

Liam pulled one blue bag out of the back of the car and tossed it to Zayn everyone had to carry their [own](http://41.media.tumblr.com/de44c39dc3aa7666611a768456f4c9f2/tumblr_n40twz6a6h1slol8yo1_500.jpg). While still in the store the boys already decided who would get what bag.

Zayn would have the blue one, along with the blue matching coat. Niall would get the map one, along with the coat too. Liam got the yellow one, matching coat too. Then Harry was left with the black backpack and coat, which he actually preferred. Harry picked out matching [coats](http://hypebeast.com/image/2016/04/supreme-the-north-face-2016-6.jpg) for Louis and Eleanor, a nice blue and yellow combination, along with their own black backpacks.

Liam threw Nialls bag to him, then grabbed his own and lead the three of them to the small shed on the side of the cabin. It wasn't the nicest but it worked. Liam unlocked the small door with ease and threw the bag in, walking back to the car to get the other bags once he was done.

Eventually, they got everything into the shed and were able to sneak past a sleeping Louis but they couldn't get past without Harry's death [glare](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m543clAquR1rw80oso1_500.gif). 

A sigh of relief escapes Liams lips once he's inside and away from the monstrous look his "friend" was giving him. Liam finds himself sitting on the couch and actually enjoying himself for second before Niall comes waddling in and sits down. Liam shifts his body in annoyance and places [two](http://66.media.tumblr.com/9d0b4df4b5e86ce45aaae17dce97bf91/tumblr_inline_nz9ybgxzxW1rrvfgh_400.png) fingers to his temple as Niall continues to whimper. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellllllo babical babie. wuz up my bitches. no k real talk they not to the trip yet like I promised but they got ready for it this chapter and do we get that ehhh theres a little camp they stay at first. AND NO I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ALASKA OR ON AN EXEPIDITION SO THIS IS ALL FICTION, i only thought this idea up cause for a time i was wanting to run away to alaska and live under the northern lights like wouldnt that be nice. Anyways if i drop out of college or just decide i need to start fresh you can find me in alaska ;) k sorry about that small bit of story time. but the voices Louis got and the past self harm, i dont know the exact label to the voices i just know that is a real thing (if you know please comment id love to give them a title) anyways can we all understand what Louis suffers from a little more? I know it is way confusing but can we make somthing of it a little bit? If there are any questions at all please ask away. Im sorry they not adventuring yet but i felt bad that i haddent updated so i did now and its kinda short but i got exciting news. With Arms Outstretched is gettign lame and i'm sorry to all who enjoy it yoou shouldnt because it sucks, even im gonna admit it. But ive grown up on criminal minds and csi miami so i was like what is a story ill be excited to write and people who like crime and shit will like? BAM DARK HARRY yo its my fucking shit if im honest dark harry and daddy harry complete me. anyways maybe soon ill make a story towards that tttttwm is just little snaps i might post when im bored im not really set on it but a dark harry yo im up for it! i just dont like writing sad Louis cause it makes me sadddd so i dont like it and when i started this is was in a bit of a spot and now im better but i dont wanna go back to it yall feel me? so like i dont know if you want me to continue With Arms Ourstretched i totally will (because i love yall dearly) but i dont think it will be good if im not like excited to write about it ya know. Im sorry if you guys are pissed now but i dont want people suffering from my shitty writing so lemmme know what you want so i can make it happen <3 and even if you just wanna chat id love that so get back to me,   
> I love you all! xxxxx


	7. Stronger than ever.

"And where are you off to?" Zayn lightly poked at his ribcage as his fingers wrapped around the doorknob. Louis' breath caught in his throat at the almost painful pokes.

"Gonna get some fresh air" Harry spoke for him, "No one needs you guarding the door." 

As the two continued to make their way outside, Harry caught the quick inhale Zayn made before replying.

"Louis doesn't need you guarding him." Harry gave Zayn a [look](http://dorkshelf.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads//2014/03/Girls-Season-3-Episode-8-Marnie.jpg) before Louis was grabbing at his wrist and attempting to pull him outside.

"We will be continuing this conversation later." Harry slammed the door then intertwined his fingers with Louis' as they walked down the cabin steps. He heard Niall cackle and shout 'you're a dead man zen', Harry was tired of all this shit. Tired of having to be the dad of everyone, he loved taking care of Louis. Louis is his favorite. But everyone was bothering him. Everyone. 

His mum had been relentless with the phone calls and texts before he got on the plane, and Gemma had tried to facetime him countless times this month, and Eleanor was causing troubles for Louis. Then he has to deal with the boys on top of all those girls, he is exhausted. 

They were at the camp and so far he's only heard complaints, Eleanor whining that she feels disgusting and then Liam's transgender comment got Louis annoyed, then Niall is loud and Zayn just loves to talk back. His headache is massive and they haven't even gotten to dinner or the class. Luckily Eleanor made a convincing boy with Louis' clothes, but they defiantly didn't fit her. Harry didn't like it at all, Eleanor is small and she's gorgeous of course, but she doesn't have curves like Louis. It just bothers Harry because those were Louis' clothes and only Louis could make them look good, the swell of his bum filling out his  black jeans perfectly, and his thighs that Harry just wants to mark until they're completely covered in hickeys, and Louis' delicate collarbones that are so pretty and Harry will admit he has dreamed of licking honey out of them. Louis clothes belonged to Louis and that was it.

Harry led Louis around the camp to a small trail. Louis asked if they could go outside for a moment earlier and it gave Harry the idea of a much-needed walk. Harry had been to this camp many times as he was a well-trained guide and usually was one of the teachers for the class, he knew it all very well, a little too well. Maybe he should relocate. He's always wanted to see Brazil. Someday.

"Harry are you alright?" Louis asked as they walked deeper into the forest and strayed from the path. 

Harry didn't notice he was huffing until Louis said something. "Sorry, I'm fine."  

Louis stayed quiet until their walk was over and Harry was helping him up tons of wooden steps. Once he reached the last step and his calves were burning he was met with a breathtaking [overlook](http://www.travelthewholeworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Maryland_Green_Ridge_Forest_Overlook2.jpg). Harry pulled his hand out of Louis' and walked over to an edge then ran his hands through his long [hair](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c0/52/01/c05201f89d5a5d77a1757cd6b1944053.jpg). 

Louis let out a sigh as he walked to the opposite side from where Harry was, he should probably let him breathe. They've been latched onto each other since the trip started and it shouldn't surprise Louis that Harry pulled away, but it did. It always does.

Louis let himself count the trees and he even tried to make up a festive name like Crayola does with all the crayons, but he failed, settling for "Mossy Swamp Monster" Louis looked back to Harry to see that he slightly moved, his elbows were propped on the railing and his head was dropped into the palms of his hands. Louis waited a few minutes before looking back again. He noticed smoke around Harry. Louis cautiously walked over and stood next to him.

"I didn't know you smoked," Louis spoke softly as his left hand scratched at his right knuckle. Harry noticed and looped his fingers with Louis' again.

Harry hummed before exhaling, blowing the smoke away from himself and Louis. "I'm supposed to quit." Harry set his gaze on one particular tree, it was shorter than all the others but it stood proudly. "Promised everyone I would. But it's easier said than done." Harry brought the cigarette to his lips again and inhaled as Louis watched the tip become bright orange and burn before his eyes. 

"What's it like?" Louis had never smoked before, barely anyone he knew smoked, Harry was really the first person he's every encountered that really smoked. 

Harry looked at Louis and smiled, this beautiful innocent boy. Harry blew the smoke from his lips into the wind before answering, "When you are craving em, you feel empty. A small empty hole somewhere," Harry tapped the center of his chest, " but a very effective one." Harry wrapped his lips around the cancer stick again. 

"What about when you are smoking them?" Harry exhaled.

"It's always empty. You think just taking one drag would fill the hole for just a little bit, but nothing ever does. It's just empty all the damn time. No matter what and however many times you try to fill that hole it just gets bigger." Harry threw his cigarette next to his boot and stepped on it. “Smoking is one of the worst habits I ever started, I would never wish it upon anyone.” 

Louis nodded his head in agreement as Harry bent down to pick up the cigarette butt and toss it in a nearby rubbish bin. They stood there for a few moments just looking at the view. Louis was still curious about Harry smoking and smoking in general, but he felt that Harry was done with the conversation so Louis didn’t try to pursue it.

There was a faint horn being blown that only Harry recognized Louis didn’t even hear it. 

“Ah, and it’s time to go.” Harry smiled wrapping his fingers around Louis’, Louis just gave Harry a small smile and followed Harry hand in hand back down the steps and down the trail they had taken and then the cabins were in view again and Harry was opening a door that held around three hundred people sitting at tables and staring at the stage with nothing in on it. 

They waited by the doors for a moment while Harry twisted his head back and forth, searching through the crowd for the people he came with, it took him a moment but Harry finally noticed Eleanor waving at him from her spot where she was still dressed as a boy and seated next to Niall, Liam, and Zayn. 

Harry pulled Louis to the table and once they reached it they were met by an angry looking Liam. 

“Nice of you to join us, lads.” He spoke staring at Louis and Harrys locked hands. 

“Thanks for saving us seats, El. Woulda been stuck standing without you.” Harry ignored Liam and pulled out the chair next to Eleanor. 

“I’m sorry there's only one, I had an another but this brute came up and just took it.” Harry sat down and pulled Louis onto his lap.

“And these shits didn’t do anything about it?” Harry asked gesturing and glaring at the three others seated at the table. Eleanor only blushed before turning to Louis. She tapped Louis on the knuckle to gain his attention and once he looked she dragged her pointer finger up her neck and then slipped her pinky in her mouth. It meant “Are you okay?”. 

Eleanor and Louis came up with their own sign language awhile back, it was when Louis first started getting better and he told Eleanor they need code words or sign movements, and they ended up using both of course. They each have separate key sheets locked away in their rooms so that they were able to memorize everything they came up with. They had codes and signs for a lot of things, and Louis was so grateful that they came up with it because so many times he’s been able to notify Eleanor personally even in front of people, like when his mum came to visit and all she did was criticize. Louis told El he was extremely uncomfortable through sign and she got his mum to leave in under ten minutes. A true miracle worker is what she is.

Louis gave her a thumbs up and a toothy grin which translated to “For now”, Eleanor gave him a sad smile then nodded her head as the lights started to dim and a spotlight appeared on the stage. 

“Hello everyone and welcome to medic class!” Harry watched as the elderly man named Bill enthusiastically spoke into the microphone, “Here we are going to learn how to be safe as safety is a basic need these days, so then let us get started today then shall we.”  Harry nodded his head subconsciously and paid attention just as everyone else was doing except for Niall, he was playing candy crush on his phone and Liam who noticed and smacked the phone out of his hand while happily watching it fly to the concrete floor and shatter.

“Liam what the fuck?” Niall whispered angrily catching everyone's attention at their table.

“Shoulda paid attention then we wouldn’t have this problem, would we.” Liam sassed.

“Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but you didn’t.” Zayn chuckled next to Liam. 

Harry rolled his eyes and gave each of them a stern look before turning his head to find Louis giving Eleanor hand motions and her returning the favors. He was defiantly going to grill Eleanor and make her teach him every single one of those moves perfectly until he had each one nailed down to a tee. 

And if he’s being honest he’s a little jealous that Eleanor and Louis have that and he has next to nothing with Louis. He wants secrets and laughs, he wants the highs and the lows, he wants to see Louis at his best and he wants him at his worst. He wants to understand Louis the most, he wants to help Louis feel good and he doesn’t think that is possible when he’s got no idea what goes on in the blue-eyed boys mind. But god is he determined to find out.

*

After the long boring class, the group makes their way to the cafeteria area for dinner.

They all make their way to a table in one of the far corners so they could have a decent amount of privacy. Louis is the first to sit down, he pulls his chair out and it makes an ear curdling sound as it squeaks across the floor. Louis’ face turns bright red as Harry steps in front of him and lifts the chair instead of sliding it like Louis was trying to do. The blush continues to coat Louis’ face long after Harry has pulled the chair out for him and he has sat down with Eleanor sitting right next to him and the other boys have left to grab their food.

“I feel like you and I didn’t even need to go to that class.” Louis spoke, “We already know how to do everything they explained and what everything meant.” 

“It was mandatory if we didn’t go then we wouldn’t have been able to pass the survey they gave us at the end.” 

“That survey was bullshit, yes I know what signs of depression are. And who doesn’t know how to give CPR?” Louis scoffed.

“Hey hey, chill out some don’t have nurses as their moms like you do.” Louis just rolled his eyes then flipped his fringe. “You and Harry have a bad time alone?” Eleanor teased. “But for the record, I’m quite surprised I didn’t go with you, I missed you of course but I’m really proud.” 

“Thanks, El,” Louis whispered before glancing over to see the boys still in line for their food, “But if we are being honest here,” Louis continued whispering bringing his head close to Eleanor's, “Harry seems a little off, like not completely but he’s on the edge of something, I’m not sure what but it can’t be good.” Louis quickly said when he noticed Harry's head look towards them.

“Maybe, it is stress. He says he always does this but since we are all close to him he might be more worried and stressed about all of us enjoying it and staying safe.” Eleanor shrugged not too worried about what Louis was going on about.

“I dunno it, just seems like it but I know Harry can be a dick whenever he feels like it too,” Louis muttered as all the boys made their way back with large plates of food in hand. They set the plates down and then sat in their chairs. Harry next to Louis, Louis next to Eleanor, Eleanor next to Zayn, Zayn next to Niall, Niall next to Liam, Liam next to Harry. It was one of those nice wooden circle tables. Harry watched as Louis discreetly tapped Eleanor’s elbow three times then quickly brushed his hand down her thigh. ‘Later’, Eleanor nodded her head to Louis then making accidental eye contact with Harry. Harry squinted his eyes at her in confusion and jealousy. 

They continued on with their meal making small talk, every once in a while Niall would pull his phone out and show the shattered screen to everyone seeking sympathy. 

“And this right here is why Liam is a monster,” Niall said sadly holding his new brand [new](http://s3-media4.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/DfMRPI_vcOMTpe_DvYYexQ/o.jpg) phone that he just bought not even a month ago out for everyone to see.

“Niall it kinda was your fault,” Zayn said. Everyone's heads turning to him in surprise while Niall’s jaw dropped.  

“How in the living hell was it my fault?” Niall screeched turning to the boy next to him.

“Obviously what they were teaching us in there we had to know about in order to survive our expedition, we all couldn’t just count on Harry to save us that would have made us terribly naive,” Zayn continued, “ Point is we all should have been paying attention and you were the only one who wasn’t so Liam was smart enough to get your attention focused back on what we came here for.” Zayn shrugged.

“He coulda fucking tapped me on the shoulder-“ Niall started.

“And yet he didn’t because he knew that that wouldn’t have done the job so he absolutely had to take extreme measures,” Zayn added in cutting Niall off.

Niall rolled his eyes looking at Liam who couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “God you two are gayer than them,” Niall muttered pointing a finger to Harry and Louis. Making Louis’ blush that died down revive as Harry squeezed his thigh.

* 

_ you are such a brat, Louis. _

_ why would anyone like you, Louis? _

_ you are ungrateful and don’t know how to be respectful, Louis. _

_ don’t be a little shit, Louis. _

_ it’s time to stop being a little brat, Louis.  _

_ you are always bitching about unimportant things, Louis. _

_ what is your deal, Louis? _

_ I wish you were fucking dead you queer. _

The voices are back and they are stronger than ever. They are screeching and scratching in Louis' brain. They’ve never been this bad but now they mean things they have stories behind them and they are right. They are always right. Louis’ is always wrong. 

He needs to listen to the voices, they are right and he is wrong. The voices are the only ones who are going to be right they know everything and they would never lie, never. They are the only things Louis has, no one would ever care for him. Eleanor hates him and Harry is disgusted at the thought of him, they only pity him. That's right, all he gets from them is pity but he doesn’t deserve pity. He doesn’t deserve anything and like hell, he will take their pity. They both hate his guts and the feeling is mutual. It always has been, why is he just realizing this now. Everyone hates him, especially the voices. 

Louis shivering as all the thoughts run throughout his mind. He gets out of the bed quickly and walks quietly to the cabin door, the floor creaks the entire time (because he is overweight)  even though he made sure to be as gentle as possible but quick. He opens the door and steps outside closing the door behind him quietly, he breathes the air in and sighs walking behind the cabin. He sits down and holds his knees, shaking. He’s terrified, he doesn’t like feeling this way and yet he is. He wasn’t sad but now he is. He was having a good day but the voices got to him. And Louis can’t do anything about it, he has tried to avoid them but they are relentless. He has tried making them happy but they are never satisfied. He can’t do it anymore, he’s tried and he’s tried but he can’t. His only option out is terrible but it's his only way out. 

Louis mutters words to himself pulling at his hair then scratching violently at his arms then going back to his hair, he keeps doing it over and over again. He doesn’t realize that there are tears until he notices the small damp spots on his t-shirt. He doesn’t realize Zayn standing behind him watching either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi zayn was our main here righththth? I think i put Louis smoking in the tags but ill change that cause our lil boi is innocent af. zaim yasss and larry how bout and then niall and el nah but hey  
> NIALL AND CELINE whatttt i dont even know whats going on there but im happy for that piece of bread. what else happens in this chapter? OH  
> Louis as suspecting harry to have an episode but it hits him instead hmmmmm, the cause for that is because i myself recently had a major thing with my dad and he said a lot of rude things so i kinda took that out on Louis' character here. Immmmm sorry but hazza and lou have moved real quick so i feel like if they get a break things will blance out. zayn is just a lil spy this whole chapter, ive just been jamming out to m.o.m religously so that might be why. ive been playying candy crush a ton too so thats why Niall waas playing it. i feel like this chapter is a lil short so im sorry about that. I just never update so i was like i gotta now. ummm i think that is it for now  
> the monster truck story did really well and im surprised cause i did smut there adn it wasnt good at all so thats cool. but i think thats it wait yall did harry get shot for his role, people are saying he ded now and im like whatttt someone fill me in. OKK thank you for reading and commenting and just being you. I love you xxxxx


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